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Monday, August 10, 2009

filling out forms


I have become so unglued by little things. Today I filled out a form that asked me to comment on my marital status. I was hesitant, I feel married even though he has been gone almost 6 months. But I am not married anymore-now I am single. It totally unnerves me-because I cannot conceive of any universe where I am not married to Bruce.
In our bereavement group we discussed the term widow. Most thought the term awful-arguing that no other category of loss labels the survivor. But I think the term is not awful-and I think we should all have labels so that we acknowledge the impact of the loss. It is so devastating, there should be some designation.

Life is still so surreal-I am in quicksand, moving in slow motion, hoping I am not swallowed up.

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