I have been thinking a lot about our ability to remember and how we remember things from our past. I see clips of the past as if in photos. I am unable to put myself back in a moment from my past and am totally disconnected. So, I can remember events, but it is almost as if it happened to someone else-since I am unable to relive the feelings, thoughts and experiences that I had when I lived in that moment.
All of this leads up to my present loss. I have lost my best friend and feel so disconnected from him that I cannot even relive experiences and be comforted. Is this normal? This has always been true for me. I remember snapshots of raising my children but see them as totally separate from who they were as my children. I wonder if this is some flaw in me.
And of course, what a loss. So I have lost him but also my connection from the past as well.