I guess what happens over time is that I am becoming more resigned to the fact that I am alone. Such a difficult adjustment after being so entangled in his life. He hated being alone and so I accompanied him everywhere. He made even the boring excursion to the grocery fun. Kind of ironic that I was the one who cherished alone time and now I am all alone most of the time and am not loving it.
When I look back my past life with him seems like it has happened to someone else. I spend too much time thinking about my capacity to remember and whether it is normal to feel life is surreal right now. I see myself as a young girl and an old woman. I am so vulnerable and lack confidence because I am alone. I tell myself that I will persevere and that my life is not predictable at this point. I need to be patient and wait this out.