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Sunday, October 11, 2009

time

time does not seem to be healing this wound. Is it possible that I miss him more now than I did a month ago, or 2 months ago? I still look for him in the crowd, still expect him to open the door and greet me after a long day. How is it possible that I am not getting past this? I know others have and I also know that I have been able to move past problems in my past. I guess the difference is that I had him to help me through whatever troubles came my way. Now it is just me. I don't feel strong enough or care enough to persevere.

Yesterday, I went on a San Diego Zoo walk with the kids. It was a quick trip there and back. I was so sad thinking of how much he would have loved the zoo in the early morning. It was heartbreaking to remember our past trips and how much he loved spending time watching the animals.
What will help me through this? I alternate between searching for solace and then giving up on doing anything.

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