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Monday, October 5, 2009

vulnerablility

I am so fragile, so vulnerable these days. Yesterday my rear windshield was smashed by a golf ball and I haven't stopped crying since. This small crisis brought my situation into focus. I am alone, without resources, and feel as if I cannot weather any more unpredictable, and difficult events. I am pathetic, the lonely inconsolable, unloved widow lady. I want to be pitied and taken care of.

I want too to be strong and capable and invincible. How can I reconcile these two stances?

So I want to cry and complain and be rescued. But I hate that image of myself-I have never let anything stand in my way and I do not want this to be my defining moment. I need to rise above these mini catastrophes, but I feel worn out. How can I repair and when will these feelings pass?

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