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Thursday, January 28, 2010

back to the beach

i am in florida. A place that brings back memories although Bruce was never on Captiva Island. But the thought of being in florida reminds me of our life in Tallahassee. I remember our move and that Bruce came down to get us situated before I (8 months pregnant) flew with our 2 year old to start our new life. He was gleeful as he called me upon his arrival to tell me that he found a Chinese restaurant with a salad bar. Just what a Jewish princess from NYC needed to round out her Chinese dining experience! And he was disappointed that I wasn't thrilled about the news.
Three weeks later our son was born-a true Tallahassee lad. And Bruce loved Florida almost as much as I hated it.
I also am reminded of our last trip as a family to Hilton Head, South Carolina. We celebrated his last birthday early in September 2008. As I walked the beach yesterday, I could help but think back to the wonderful time that we had that trip. The kids recalled the summers when we would drive for 2 days from Pennsylvania, singing Billy Joel and Harry Chapin songs and anticipating the beach and the change of scenery. It was a wonderful part of many summers. On the trip, that last September, we did some of our favorite things, like eating snow cones, playing miniature golf and going to the Wild Wing Cafe. Who knew then, that it would be our last trip together and my last trip with him.
And I have seen a few folks at this conference who I haven't seen since before his death. I am reliving the experience as I tell my tale. I am anticipating the last bit of time before the anniversary of his death-my first trip by myself since he died. Every night I want to call him and tell him how my conference is going, the usual routine when I was away. It helped me so to know that he was home cheering me on and anticipating my return. I would come back with gifts and stories to share and he so eagerly wanted me home. His favorite line was "So you are coming home tonight, right?"-so anxious to have me back home, always missing me so much, he hated for me to be away.
So much to miss, so much to grieve.

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