Sunday i was back in the bleak black hole of grief-and monday was no different. Did time really pass-has it been a year? Some days are so bad i feel that i am still traumatized.
But my mantra is now that i can get through this-i will survive and move along and i do need to be patient with myself. i think that has been the lesson that i have learned this year. yes, the world is very unpredictable, we sometimes fool ourselves into thinking that we know what is ahead. At least, I did. I had it all mapped out-the day in day out weariness of life as usual-until wham-it all changed and i long for the days that i was annoyed by the minutiae of my marriage. My mother would quote that man plans, god laughs. So, I need to stay in the moment and hope that something good is around the corner for me and for the kids. Some peace of mind for me, a job for Kate and some free time for Alex. Life is too stressful. Being patient with myself and with others will enable me to de-stress somewhat.
Weird entry-needed to vent. On with the day.