Sunday, February 21, 2010
The Start of Year 2
It is the start of year 2. Today was the first day of the second year without him and it was sad. This weekend was distracting-everyone being so sweet and caring. And it was all about him-i looked at pictures and told stories and tonight i was so filled with missing him. i am so tired of life without Bruce - so tired of the struggle to get through the day. But really what choice do i have-what choice do any of us have? i either try hard to focus on him and remember or try hard to avoid thinking of him and move on.
I am having tea and contemplating a nice warm bath-something to comfort me right now. And tomorrow, I will try and get up early and go to the gym and then go to work and be distracted by my busy life. I am going to try to connect more with others and move through the grief that is so troubling, so overwhelming. And even though I am so incredibly sad, I still can feel grateful about what I have-how incredibly wonderful my children are, how lucky I am to be where I am because although I feel pretty bad I know that things can be worse. I hope that one day the pain will subside and I will remember with more joy than sadness the incredible man that I loved so much.