i have fallen in to a routine of sorts and still i struggle with the loneliness. A few weeks ago, one of the widows that i know said that although she is lonely, she is only lonely for her dead spouse. i know how that is. It is not about filling the space but about filling the space with him. i get easily frustrated with people who do not share my likes and dislikes. Bruce and i had fallen into a rhythm too. We were comfortable with the same things or we tolerated the differences that we had. Sometimes we could not remember which one of us liked a certain thing and we would argue that it was the other one who liked it.
i still miss him too much. And writing here feels so much like whining that i get tired of the same complaints. Of course i miss him. But this is a way to process the grief. i am not sure what that means yet-but know that it is what i am supposed to do.