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Wednesday, June 9, 2010

mourning



i have been dressing in black since he died. Not everyday, but many days when i consider my mood, i find that black or gray echoes my mood. It's funny how i am mourning. i also stopped wearing jewelry. It's almost as if i set aside part of who i am - tucked it away in remembrance of who i was. i am not sure that the person that i was will ever come back. i am still sorting this all out.

The weather has been dismal this Spring-also feeding in to my mood. Cold and dark the last 2 days in the usual Sunny California. i was reminded of a film that i saw a few months after he died. Kate and i watched a lot of movies and 1 movie that i saw was about Queen Victoria morning Prince Albert. She mourns for years.

i miss him and there is no end in sight. When i dream of him, i am reminded even in my dreams that he is dead. The distractions are good-but i still come home to his absence and it still makes me terribly sad.

Today is Kate's birthday. He would have been so proud of how well she supports me-how there she is for me. He was always so amazed by her accomplishments and her intelligence.

Happy Birthday baby girl.

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