The New Year. Time for reinvention or just new resolutions. Anything is possible. So much promise for things to be different. And yet, there is the potential that this year will be just like the last. All change requires work. Part of me wants to sit in the past, buried in the memories prompted by his things. If I get rid of his things, I will have to work too hard to remember him.
There is some comfort in the past-even though it is laced with sadness. Can both exist? It feels comfortable to dwell in a house that once was his, even though at times it pains me that he created something that he never got a chance to enjoy. But as time passes there is more comfort than sadness. And that is what keeps me locked in the past. It is uncomfortable to think of the unknown. If I try something new-what would it be like? There is the potential that new experiences may bring joy-but also require work and possibly lead to disappointment.
Inertia. Easy to go on day to day and not think about changing anything in my life. It is not as if I am just sitting around-my life is busy and my list of things to do is enormous. But every now and then-I get a glimpse of what my life once was and I think that maybe there is more for me out there if I could only harness some energy to try something different. But then I close this blog and go back to my list and my life. Not ready yet? Will I ever be ready?