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Saturday, May 14, 2011

What defines us

I have heard people say that the death of a spouse should not be what defines us. But how can that not be true-such a big part of my life, more than half at this point. How can Bruce's death not be part of who am I now?

My husband's death is what defines me. I awake every morning as a widow-someone robbed of a vital part of my life. I go on with my day and occasionally I lose sight of my widowhood and for a moment, I am again Jill, Bruce's Jill and then I remember.

It has been a major trauma in my life-perhaps the greatest trauma I have known thus far. Ironic then that I am expected to create a new life from the ashes. How does one do this? I am still at a loss and function in a kind of one foot in front of another reality. I know that this is not enough-but how to move past the life I once crafted over so many years.


  1. You are a good blog writer. You have expressed your journey through grief so eloquently. I feel everything that you are/have experiencing/experienced. My husband was 55 years old when he died and we were married for 28 years. I do not know who I am now.

    One big hurdle that I'm going through is that I have no career/job to support me. I am totally unprepared and inexperienced for this life change.

    Bereavement/Widow groups are not as comforting as I had hoped because the older (retired) widows are not searching for jobs or companionship. My needs/wants seem to be different. I am lost and lonely.

  2. What I remember from your last comment was that your loss is very recent. I searched for someone to relate to when my husband died and I had difficulty finding anyone in my situation. Most of the widows that I meet are older. But I am realizing now that we can all point to how different we are from one another.
    One of the things that has also helped me is reading about being a widow. I still find some comfort in reading about another widow's journey. It does not change the day to day, I am still alone. But it does comfort me to know that I am not "abnormal" even though I may be different.
    I am glad that I have reached out to you with my blog and my words. Keep reading and maybe writing?