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Thursday, October 27, 2011

A Life Without

The last few days I have been thinking so much about the past 2 and 1/2 years without Bruce.  My life with him seems further and further away-something that I have blogged about previously.  But a piece of me feels missing, a part of my core that will never be replaced.  So even though I sometimes have difficulty remembering all that I would like, there is an emptiness that reminds me of my life before.

I wonder too, what my life would be like now with him.  We would both be sharing in our first grandchild, and he would be tickled at the experience.  I also know that I would be living day to day-somewhat oblivious to my good fortune, that I was still so smitten with my husband of 3 decades.  Do we ever really acknowledge and appreciate what we have?  I know that I told him that I loved him daily.  I rested my hand on his cheek and told him how important he was to me.  But I don't think that I ever really understood how his absence would be my greatest challenge.  And I try not to do the same with the others around me-to be so caught up in the loss that I do not appreciate and take stock of what I have.


  1. Jill...we are close in so many ways. I am comforted by reading about your journey through grief.

    This is just one of those random chance finding your blog,etc. I can't remember brain fog.

    Anyway, would there be a time when you and/or I could be comfortable with emailing? There is only so much I can share in the comments.

    Here's my "craft" blog to get an idea of who I am. I only barely touch on my grief there.

  2. Thanks so much for sharing your craft blog-funny I love to knit and subscribe to most of the knitting magazines.
    Going off to bed-under some pressure to get some work done so I am up at 5AM tomorrow.
    More later-e-mail would be fine:
    Hang in there.