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Sunday, July 22, 2012

Setbacks

Really hard week, and month.....   Life has been too challenging lately.  All the loss re stimulated, and then the crises-one after another.  First Bebe's surgery and the difficulty getting her settled, then her infected foot, and finally on Monday-for me a bad fall and a cold.  I fell in the garage and thought that I had escaped calamity.  Walked all day on my foot and then by 6PM I could not bear any weight on my foot and the pain was excruciating.  Drove myself to the ED-I had to "man-up" and take care of myself in the true stoic widow fashion.  Had spasms up and down my leg and even though I can tolerate pain pretty well was beyond the usual 0-10 pain scale.  Finally found out that I fractured my foot-and was casted and put on crutches.  After two days I graduated to a walking boot and the cold and sore throat became my worst problem.  Bebe was put in the kennel Monday eve because in my condition I had difficulty caring for myself, and so could not care for her-with her cone-head, loose stool, post op situation.

So here I am Sunday eve.  Almost a week later.  I am getting around with my boot, Bebe is home with me and I am going to get through this.  My aunt came and rescued me and helped me to feel a bit more confident.  I chant daily that this too shall pass.

Challenges.  Why so many?  Random attacks without any warning.  Need to be resilient.  

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

summertime blues

Four summers and counting.  Four summers since he has been gone and I still have the most difficult time.  This summer probably is hard because my children are busy and there is no usual vacation to plan.  I feel so alone this year-but maybe this is true every year-just forget how hard it is. 

How will I continue and how can I move past this?  No strategy yet.  I understand that it is all up to me-but somehow I cannot summon the energy to deal productively with my enormous sense of loss.  I have trouble envisioning a full life around the corner.

So little joy these days.