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Friday, September 14, 2012

Entertaining the troops, revisited

I have always know about the drama queen that exists inside me.  I think that this is a somewhat familiar
topic here.  The last few days I am caught up with the repercussions of my drama.  I have put myself on display since Bruce died.  Here I am - the widow-anxious to tell all about my experience with grief, here I am reawakened and activated-this is my experience.  To what end and with what goal in mind?  Who benefits from these disclosures?  Are there ramifications?

It is time, I think to pull in the stakes and move the circus.  Take a hiatus from the bight lights for a bit.  Be quiet, be careful, keep my private life private.  Funny and ironic that I am writing this in a blog-but that only brings the point home.  This blog has served to be my voice for most things "agonized widow".  And there continues to be unrest-perhaps I can no longer call this agony.  Even the start of a relationship harkens back to every other relationship that we have had and lost.  Processing these emotions is difficult, and the blog, the story telling is a fairly effective way for me to process.  But I must move past the moment.....

2 comments:

  1. Ramifications: Whether or not you realize it, your blog has been a lifeline for me. Yes, the blog is open, honest, inspiring and a beautiful testament to love.
    If nothing else, it has been a source of comfort for me to come back to and read about your journey.
    Yesterday, was my husband's birthday. I grieved silently throughout the day. No one understands except another widow.
    "Unrest" aptly defines our struggles to move on with life. I yearn for something more.
    In my -other- life I was deeply private but now the urge to share keeps knocking. The internet is just a tool to reach out and feel again.
    I hope that you will occasionally blog again.

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  2. I came back to this post and was thankful for your response. Yes, in a very dramatic sense I am a different person then I was before-reaction to grief? Response, natural evolution?
    We do not know what lies ahead.

    Chin up-those recurrent reminders - birthdays, anniversaries are so difficult.

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