The Fall for me is a time of reflection. It used to be my favorite time of the year-a time to get back to basics and I loved the scenery and the change of weather and back to school supply shopping. Since Bruce died it has been a hard time of the year for me. Now I think of the end of the summer without him, the start of the school year without him and the Jewish holidays, his birthday and the beginning of the slow climb to the end of the year and the beginning of a new one.
This summer was an emotional roller coaster as I fully embraced the dating thing. There were highs and lows as is true of any roller coaster ride. Sometimes I was thrilled, other times anticipating the worst. I also sustained an injury and nursed a convalescent dog and chronically ill cat. But I survived and now am trying to recover my balance a bit.
Throughout it all-I realized that I have lost some focus. I am thinking about the future and not finding any comfort there. So it is time to 1)either stop projecting about tomorrow - since I really do not know what is ahead or 2)reframe all of this and find some positives to look forward to. OR BOTH.
I am realizing that the emotional roller coaster is something that I own. It is totally me - since I am now without medication and so have no little magic pill to lean on. Time to take things day to day and stop ruminating about what was or what will be. Easy to say-hard to do. Welcome to my world.