We have entered the season, the time of the year that leads to the stockpile of sadness. For me, it starts with the Jewish high holidays and then Bruce's birthday and then Thanksgiving and the Christmas break, New Years eve and then the anniversary of his death.
Most of the widows that I know have periods of time when the loss calendar is overwhelming. Too many events that bring to mind the past lives that we led. Too many occasions to acknowledge our solitariness. Too many chances that crystallize all the reasons why our lives have taken a dramatic turn.
And yet here I am. So this year, what is different? Today marks the first birthday of my greatest gift-my grandson. His presence on the planet reminds me of all that is good in my life and all that may come to be. He smiles at me and I realize that he carries past generations - he is part of what I loss. My delight, my love, my devotion to him is endless. He has opened my heart and I am grateful. And although there are plenty of reasons to be sad as the time of the year encroaches-the joy that I feel when I think of him softens the sadness.
Happy First Birthday to the little man!