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Monday, April 29, 2013

Insights

Transitions, as I wrote about yesterday deserve and dictate introspection.  Not that I have ever needed an opportunity to analyze my life.  I know that I am too analytical-that I take apart every aspect of my life and that has been problematic for me in the past.  Of course, the death and subsequent change in my life was accompanied by lots of thinking.  I have tried to let my mind wander and not censor my thoughts.  I do not believe that I seek to find meaning in the events that have occurred-many aspects of our life do not hold profound secrets for us.  They are just random events that happen.

I think I engage in the analysis to find my way for the future.  I have been so derailed by the events of the past 4 years-so many challenges and so little energy to move past the obstacles.  But the most important question is the question about the importance of climbing the hurdles-what lies on the other side and is it worth the effort?  Is this really what I want in light of who I am right now?  Where should I put the precious sparse energy that I have lately?

So events have led me to a place where I can hopefully begin to ask these questions.  I am on a medical leave as my recent health problems have devastated me.  I am overwhelmed most of the time and realize that the loss has added a layer of emotional turmoil that easily spills over and leaves me unable.
I also have just completed some training to become an integrative nurse coach and that also enables me to gain some interesting insights.  The questions that have been posited include:

What is your hope, your deepest hope?
What gets in the way of realizing it?

I need to think about this and move towards it.......

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