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Sunday, April 28, 2013


All of us move through transitions in our lives...... Some of them seemingly go unnoticed, some are celebrated, some bring about grief.  There are small changes that have an impact beyond the magnitude.  There are tsunamis like the death of a spouse-and the transitions continue to occur long after the actual event.
I once said that since I was married for 34 years it might take as long to come to get a handle on the loss.
I think the largest transition is the solitary life that accompanies the loss of my spouse.  It has been more than 4 years..... And yet on a daily basis I am struck by the emptiness in my house.  I have written before about the loneliness.  It goes deeper - I miss the offhand remarks made in response to the world as we live it.  The fact that the weather outside is cold, the latest news flash about the bombing in Boston, the fact that Twinkles will be back on the market......  Some of these events are trivial, and don't require commentary.  But by and large the fact that for many years there was someone there and now there is no one-saddens me.  I need my alone time but do not like living alone.....


  1. I've heard grief councilors say that it takes one month to grieve for every year we were married. My husband and I were a couple for 42 years and that would translate out to grieving 3 1/2 years. I like your formula better, but I suppose it makes a huge difference how one defines "grief." I can see how I could be over the part where I accept widowhood and all that entrails in 3 1/2 years but the loneliness and missing those things you talk about in this post I don't think I'll ever get over missing. Thanks for sharing your thoughts which help to validate others in the widowhood community who feel the same way.

    1. Thanks for your comment Jean. I too grapple with the idea that one is able to move on with life at a certain point in time. I spoke to a person who has done research on loss and she told me that it is very individual and that at a certain point we turn the corner.
      I am trying to learn to be patient......