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Tuesday, October 22, 2013

Anticipation

When I was married, Bruce and I would regularly plan some sort of vacation or trip so that we could look forward to something.  He reasoned that we worked so hard (and we did) that having something to look forward to - helped to make it through the trauma of everyday life.  Not that life was so traumatic but there are the usual stresses that accompany the day to day.

And then after Bruce died, it was hard to find something to look forward to - I could not plan very well.  Occasionally I enlisted the aid of my daughter, who is perhaps the best planner world wide.  We went on a number of trips and they were a lifeboat amidst my "sea of despair".

And now?  I have run out of energy to keep this all going.  The only thing that I am anticipating is going back east for a funeral.  I have nothing ahead of me these days and even keeping what little gives me joy is an effort to put in place.


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