While it is true that I can be in touch with my emotional climate instantly, it is also true that I have difficulty understanding what is behind the feeling. I can usually name all that is going on, but how much I can blame each event or activity for my emotional distress is questionable. I think that this is common. I have witnessed friends mislabeling their unhappiness and changing something in hopes that their life will be better for it. Getting divorced, moving, changing jobs...... and often the feelings come back after the newness wears off. So mis-attribution is something I have seen and understood.
So I am stuck in this incredibly sad hole and there are many issues that cause me turmoil. My friend's husband is very ill and dying-I have known her forever and him almost as long and the feelings that accompany his illness are resurrecting the big gaping grief that will forever exist in my heart. But life around me is also fraught with negative energy-the potential of my children moving away, the change on the job front, the difficulty with new relationships, my neediness and the issues surrounding my loneliness. All of these issues make it difficult to move along. I want to put the blame somewhere. In reality, I guess the answer is to just move along-continue the slow shuffle and hope for the best.