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Thursday, October 10, 2013

Hills and Valleys

My emotional state can best be characterized by hills and valleys.  Sounds bipolar?  But the hills and valleys are not always impressive in the highs and lows.  Except for the occasional despair-like the one experienced this weekend - I usually can deal with the emotions that seem to drive my life.

And I wonder, as I have in the past, whether this is who I am and my ultimate challenge is to try and keep my emotions in check.  I can, at any given moment, tell you how I am feeling.  And I do.  When people ask how I am-I honestly tell them.  Most of the time, people do not really want to hear how I am.  They want the stock answer, which is "fine".  And I have decided finally to give people the answer they want.  I find that when I honestly answer, people then criticize me or comment on how frequently I answer this way.
When Bruce died, and people asked how I was doing, I told them that I was not doing too well.  I wasn't.  I did not want to worry about what others would think, or say.  I was not doing well and I wanted to respond truthfully.  Why ask if you do not really want to know?

So how I am-I am okay.  Am I really okay?  Today I am.

1 comment:

  1. Well said! People don't want to know how widows are because then they feel like they have to fix us. A friend of mine recently wanted to know how they could help their 40 year old daughter "move on" from losing her husband just THREE months ago. I told them to wait at least a year to ask that question and that it was way too early for them to expect her to find the "closure" they expected at this point. People just don't understand, they care but they don't understand.....