I have thought a bit lately of people I have met who are incapable of loving another. The last two men I have dated seem to fit in this category. Is there some warning label that I missed when I first had coffee with them?
I guess I am lucky because I can love another deeply as evidenced by my lengthy marriage. Our relationship was not always easy but we hung in there-using each other as anchors in a world fraught with challenges and disappointments. But the other side of being able to love deeply is to want to be loved deeply as well. Is it commitment-phobia? Maybe. But I think it goes deeper than that. Maybe it has something to do with how we define love. I am not sure-but I become concerned as I contemplate the future and the possibility that the only men out there are ones that do not have the ability to love another person. They have been alone for awhile, have had failed relationships and continue every now and again to try and assuage their being alone with a companion. After awhile, that relationship fails as well. I am the damaged goods-the product of at least one experience with a person incapable of love. I only wish I had read the signs.
I guess as I move into the years after career building and child rearing, I am more sure that I do not want to live the rest of my life alone. I knew that I would feel this way soon after being widowed. And I do enjoy having a warm body next to me when I wake up in the morning, and my dog is not the warm body I crave. I seem to have been willing to take what I got when I really wanted more. How do we negotiate this? Is being alone worse than being in a relationship with someone incapable of emotional intimacy? Is that the choice that I need to make?