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Thursday, November 14, 2013

Finally

I am slowly coming to some decisions about my life as it is now.  Yes, I was devastated by the losses in the past few weeks.  It has made me feel a bit hopeless and alone.  I enjoyed the daily calls and the weekly distractions.  This coming weekend will be difficult-my first alone in a long time.

It has pushed me into making some big life decisions.  I need some excitement - some enjoyment from the day to day.  I no longer find this in my work and in turn since my work has been so difficult and unsuccessful-it only reinforces my misery.  I would love to think that I can find something to do that I could love.  That I could wake up each day and look forward to something, rather than waking up to the awful realization that there is nothing in the day that will bring me joy.

I realize that it is up to me-that I could work on re-framing this all, but it is just too hard and it has been for awhile.  It has been a rough trek, first Bruce's death, then injuries, and then the recent losses.  I would like to stop focusing on all the bad-and stop counting the catastrophes.   

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