I am slowly coming to some decisions about my life as it is now. Yes, I was devastated by the losses in the past few weeks. It has made me feel a bit hopeless and alone. I enjoyed the daily calls and the weekly distractions. This coming weekend will be difficult-my first alone in a long time.
It has pushed me into making some big life decisions. I need some excitement - some enjoyment from the day to day. I no longer find this in my work and in turn since my work has been so difficult and unsuccessful-it only reinforces my misery. I would love to think that I can find something to do that I could love. That I could wake up each day and look forward to something, rather than waking up to the awful realization that there is nothing in the day that will bring me joy.
I realize that it is up to me-that I could work on re-framing this all, but it is just too hard and it has been for awhile. It has been a rough trek, first Bruce's death, then injuries, and then the recent losses. I would like to stop focusing on all the bad-and stop counting the catastrophes.