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Monday, January 13, 2014

Atheist in a fox hole

I do not believe in miracles.  And I have yet to receive a sign from the dead.  Lots of widows have told me that their spouses were sending them signs-a butterfly, a whale, a parking place opening up.
I have had none of those experiences.  Yet, as the atheist in the foxhole who suddenly is praying to God as the war encroaches upon him, I sometimes am aware that I think there is a connection to a "grand plan".

It isn't exactly a sign from above.  It is more a strange coincidence that makes me think that something is "meant to be" or not "meant to be".  For example, when I was dating, one of the men that I dated taught at the same school as my husband, in fact he knew my husband.  Was he sent from heaven?  A gift from Bruce?  And when that relationship failed and my next encounter was with a man from the same home town as the previous guy, I also read into that.  Then I met someone who was  sociologist and again, since Bruce was a sociologist, I thought that there was some significance in that.

So now I am alone again.  And contemplating ending my career thus far after numerous issues that have filled me with self-doubt.  Is that too a sign that I need to move forward to my next "career" and not look back?  Is there a divine plan? 

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