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Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Alone again

Well, it happened.  Another relationship down the tubes.  Not that it was necessarily a good one.  Which leaves me to wonder why I stick in there at times when it seems obvious that nothing good will happen if we continue on.

I guess I am lonely and willing to compromise.  But to save a bit of pride here, it is not as if I hold on to bad men for the sake of having a companion.  They start out great.  They are funny and delightful and seem really to be Keepers.  It what happens during the course of the relationship-when I decide to continue on and their ardor cools and I realize they would rather be with their cats, their guitar or their TV.  Do I seek men who are emotionally unavailable?  Are there warning signs that I should pay attention to?  What are they?  I try not to rule out too many possibilities and so give a few a chance.  Is it better to date men who have recently had a relationship?  Or those who have children?  Or those who live with mom?  Hard to know what the rules are-especially at my age.

Everyone tells me it is a numbers game.  That sounds fine.  I can go into a bookstore and look at all the books and identify some that I like and then further select one.  But there is no pain if I choose incorrectly-and it is very easy to put down a book that was not what I thought it was.  Not the same with dating.  I get emotionally hooked and feel very depressed when things go awry.  I am disappointed first and then of course the loss is re-stimulated and then I feel hopeless that there will ever be someone to wake up next to. And finally, because it is a numbers game I need to go out and do it again and hope for a different outcome.

I miss Bruce.

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