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Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Danger ahead

I am moving cautiously these days.  I gravitate-sometimes I am cautiously optimistic about the future, other times I linger between fear and dread.

Loss hangs over me.  I can feel it in the background.  And I also know that this is part of life and always has been.  Somehow though, something in me has shifted and I see everything as a potential loss, even good things.

I try very hard to take away something from everything that disappears.  I want to be able to recoup, to be resilient, to appreciate what I have gained from each person, relationship, or situation where I have been the loser.  It takes superhuman strength and frankly I am not a comic book hero.  And unfortunately when I anticipate a loss or am fearful that I may lose something or someone very important, I react.  It may be, in fact, that in anticipation, I withdraw and lose more.

At times like these, I wish I can turn this analytic self off and just live in the moment.

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