I am moving cautiously these days. I gravitate-sometimes I am cautiously optimistic about the future, other times I linger between fear and dread.
Loss hangs over me. I can feel it in the background. And I also know that this is part of life and always has been. Somehow though, something in me has shifted and I see everything as a potential loss, even good things.
I try very hard to take away something from everything that disappears. I want to be able to recoup, to be resilient, to appreciate what I have gained from each person, relationship, or situation where I have been the loser. It takes superhuman strength and frankly I am not a comic book hero. And unfortunately when I anticipate a loss or am fearful that I may lose something or someone very important, I react. It may be, in fact, that in anticipation, I withdraw and lose more.
At times like these, I wish I can turn this analytic self off and just live in the moment.