I just finished watching a movie that was on some random channel. "You've Got Mail" is an old favorite, and at the end-Meg Ryan cries and so did I. The movie is kind of a lost and found take on the boy meets girl..... She loses her livelihood - the shop around the corner - and the loss is accompanied by the renewed remembrance of her mom. She also finds true love and the end hints at the fact that all will be right in the world finally.
Meg Ryan cried and so did I. She cried at the find-I cried at the loss. Each loss calls to mind every other loss. How much our lives change in ways that we cannot imagine or predict. That is promising I guess when times are hard. Since change is inevitable - I guess we should embrace it or at least try to build a skill set to best deal with the very big changes. I of course have been thinking about my mom-fondly now. I think that I can look back right now and remember some of the very good memories and there were certainly good memories. The night before heading to summer camp as a child-we would get Carvel sundaes and talk well into the night. Glad that the adult me can understand the child I was and the mother who had challenges. I forgive her for what she could not give me, and hope that I can continue to appreciate what she did leave for me as a legacy:
My love of books
My love of language
My questioning about some of the world's ironies
My sense of wonder and enthusiasm-my mother was always amazed at things (true that sometimes these things were not truly amazing-but were new to her), but that ability to get excited about little things and not be jaded or unfazed. That was her magic.
I think that this is a good way to view a death-if we can look back and remember those gifts, and diminish any pain that was caused. It is not as if I want to remember a perfect mother - that would not be healthy. Instead I want to acknowledge it all and select some of the good things to tuck away and keep with me.