Friday will be 7 years-hard to believe it and yet I can still feel the ache of missing him. And life continues to be up and down. I do appreciate the wonderful pieces to my life: the family, the kids and grand kids. I have made some very big decisions, and I have no regrets. Life would have been completely different with Bruce in it-that is a given. The person I have become is still recognizable but there have been alterations. BUT- In addition to all of the great things and changes - there is definitely a void.
Bruce announced his presence in every way-he did not even know how to whisper. So of course life feels a bit more empty without him. True he has left me Bebe-who also demands full attention. And in a crazy way I feel his presence in her. When she barks in the middle of the night to take my warm spot in the bed-it reminds me that Bruce really needed me by his side.
Next month another milestone-a major birthday which to me is hard to acknowledge - I really wanted to grow old with him and now I am approaching the downhill slide and he is gone. Unable to appreciate the "fruits of his labor" - the wonderful parents his children have become, the beautiful grandchildren so full of life and enthusiasm for the world. I am struck daily by how much he would have loved being a grandfather and how suited he would have been in the role.
Often I find myself about to utter a nutty phrase of his or mine to a stranger-hoping to get the acknowledgement of the shared joke and I do feel that pang of disappointment. I try not to look back but instead look ahead to the life I can create for myself. Hard on these significant days.........